KETTERING TOWN 2 SLOUGH TOWN 3: match report by THE MOWDOG...

Cereal-Killers Slough Fight-back Mars Poppies’ Day

Kettering Town 2 Slough Town 3

(Calor League Division 1 Central Play-off Final)

Queues stretched away from the three Latimer Park turnstiles and almost to the car-park entrance by 1.30pm, but I gained admission, secured a match programme and was suitably impressed by the ultimate attendance of 2331 at Kettering’s present abode. The noise and expectancy were considerable, the two halves of the game were as different as Golden Grahams and Scots Porridge Oats and, as an ex-teacher, I watched the game between, er, two teachers… I was so glad that I’d eaten my Weetabix the previous evening, for the Burton Latimer Weetabix factory spread out beyond the football ground and I felt a little more at home. Having done my very first school visit as a P.E. student at Bulmershe College, Reading, in a Slough primary school in 1970, I was also glad that I’d eaten a Mars Snickers bar in the car en route from Solihull. One has to be fair about these things. Kettering’s Poppies lit up the opening period then they shrank as hard-working Slough took a half-time rest and then began to play, utilising the strong breeze, overhauling their favoured hosts and achieving promotion in dramatic style. They were awarded what looked like a silver salver, but maybe it should have been a silver cereal bowl…

A slight misunderstanding between home goalie Ali Worby and a defender was negated by an offside-flag, before some tense play ended with a goal for Kettering. A back-header by Elliot Sandy from the right was nodded forwards from 18 yards by Jon Thorpe and as Chris Logan stretched to get in a shot, visiting midfielder George Short, ironically so tall and strongly built that he must have eaten his Shredded Wheat that morning, stretched his leg even further and lifted the ball from 8 yards over his own ‘keeper, Jake Somerville.

Logan is congratulated for forcing the own-goal...

The ball liked being in the air...

Thorpe drove a shot too high for the hosts and a speculative shot by Andy Gooding, whose touch was loose early on, before he began to run the game with his technical ability but would eventually, late in the game, be unable to affect it at all, was deflected for a corner, which Somerville pushed away. A Gooding error freed visiting forward Warren Harris, who was such a willing attacker throughout and he fed striker Adam Cornell, but he was adjudged to have engaged in a spot of pushing and a free-kick was awarded to the Poppies. Then Kettering scored again and the goal was scored so easily that it seemed only a matter of how many the hosts would win the game by. As three Kettering substitutes decided to stand upright in front of the crowd, which was already struggling to see over other people, the replacements’ heads nearly disguised a fine drive by Logan, whose effort was brilliantly tipped over his crossbar by Somerville for a left-wing corner. Kindly, the replacements fell to the ground for me to video the indomitable crowd-favourite and excellently-named Henry Eze leaping above the visiting defence and from between Dave Woozley and Short, he headed the listless James Jepson’s corner down into the right corner of the net, to signal a celebratory display of Eze’s white vest, which really ought to have advertised a certain cereal…

Henry shows off his undies...

The wardrobe malfunction matters not: Kettering lead 2-0...

Home striker Josh Moreman was then rather foolishly booked for pushing somebody over, possibly for nicking his bowl of Crunchy Nut Corn Flakes, then he recovered enough to attack on the right-flank, only for his decent cross to evade the few players in the penalty-box. James Dobson, the Slough midfielder, was cautioned for a foul on the eager and effective, anticipatory and destructive Kettering full-back James Clifton, before Somerville did remarkably well to leap and hold onto a long bouncing ball forward by the Poppies, under pressure from Sandy. I just about saw that, as the backs of substitutes’ heads offered only a partial view of penalty-area events again. Interestingly, Kettering’s final rush of pressure of the half involved the increasingly effective Gooding, twice. First he took a clever Sandy back-heel near the er, sandy touchline, which often flew, wind-blown at the spectators like we were looking at the Great Pyramid in Cairo, not the Calor Central Play-off Final; the slim playmaker tricked a defender as he cut inside from the right, like a spoon cutting through porridge and drove a shot against defender Ryan Parsons. Next, he picked up the ball around 17 yards out and fired a really good effort just wide of the left upright and Slough survived. Just.

Thunderclap Newman sang about something being in the air.
The ball was. Often.

A second long throw by visiting defender Guy Hollis, all  muscle because he ate his Farley’s Rusks as a kid caused some consternation for Kettering but Dobson drove well wide from the hosts’ eventual clearance and then, moments later, Dobson found himself in too much space at inside-left, a sign of things to come, and fired a low effort wide of the same stick. The interval arrived, the players went off for either bowls of Weetabix for Kettering , or reviving Mars Bars and bowls of Lucky Charms for Slough, for they so needed a change in fortune. The spectators seemed unsure whether to attempt to walk to the end which would be attacked by their team after the break and risk having no view at all, so instead, most stayed put, with only a few wily chaps making the awkward exodus to stand with the enemy, like on Christmas morning at the Western Front in 1914.

The visitors began the second period in the ascendancy and it became as plain as the sugar on Frosted Flakes that the Poppies were maybe becoming a little uncertain. James McClurg fired wastefully wide for Slough and Harris was running at the home defence, thus unsettling skipper Steve Kinniburgh. Eze did rise in that whirling manner of his, like a trapeze artist falling into a safety net, to head a Jepson corner unchallenged but past the left post then two brilliant defensive incidents prevented the Rebels from rebelling. First a fine challenge by Clifton cleared the danger then a towering and powerful header by Eze cleared a good Dobson corner from his own 6-yard box. Quite suddenly however, with Slough inexplicably finding holes in midfield and Kettering making some forced and unforced errors in distribution, Johnnie Dyer sprang onto the scene like Tony the Tiger in a Frosties advert, racing into the home penalty-box at inside-left to beat the advancing Worby with a rising shot from 7 yards.

2-1 and Dyer looks like he's up for more...

The response was a cross from the right by Thorpe for the Poppies, which Moreman fought to retrieve but his eventual delivery from the left was rather wayward. The elusive Harris drew away at the right upright to head down a long free-kick but as the ball bounced up, Worby caught it, despite Eze’s unbalanced antics. A fortunate interception by Clifton and a not too convincing run at inside-right ended with a badly screwed effort wide of the right post then Sandy too cut in from the right but he too pulled a weak effort wide of the same vertical, after Cornell had glanced a header wide for the guests from 10 yards at the other end. The momentum though was Slough’s and with McClurg so much more influential, Short picking up more possession in midfield and Harris making clever runs, it was no real surprise when Dyer regained parity for the rampant Rebels. A pair of headers by Eze and Tommy Hull offered possession to Sean Fraser, the Slough right-back, who turned inside Gooding and fed a short ball forward to Harris, right corner of the penalty-box but although his pass inside wasn’t a true strike of the ball, Dyer snapped it up, crackled a low right-footer and popped it into the bottom left corner of the net from 16 yards, past a helpless Worby. I bet Dyer had eaten his Rice Krispies… He ran off like a galloping major, chased by his colleagues, who also followed on like a bunch of Dragoons at the Crimea. A home fan next to me accused his players of standing like statues; no, it wasn’t me, honestly, Henry…

Parity, Dyer again...

Not so Special K now, the Poppies were reeling and Dyer raced into the left side of the penalty-box again, drove a shot, which Worby dived well to save but the ball fell straight to McClurg, who had so much time to convert from 15 yards that he took even longer and his low effort was blocked by the recovering Eze’s legs. Cornell then poked an acceptable chance past the right upright from 15 yards, as Slough pushed forward with a mission and the Poppies Quaked like Oats in a microwave. Unsurprisingly, a weak Jepson header was collected, like most loose balls in the second period, by a Rebel, the ball was passed to Harris on the right, who made for the byeline and crossed neatly, only for Eze and Hull to contest the header, resulting in their clearance falling for McClurg again, 15 yards out and this time he would not miss; he drove the ball through defenders in Clusters, low past the motionless Worby and into the bottom left corner of the net. Oats So Simple…

...and the Rebels lead 2-3...

Kettering, desperate, replaced the now quieter Logan with Dubi Ogbonna, one of the chaps who had earlier obscured my camera and after Cornell had turned and skied a 16 yard effort for Slough, the Rebel striker was withdrawn to recover with a muesli bar and a cup of Bovril; Ben Edwards replaced him. Kettering had completely misfired in the second period and looked unable to shake off the demons, as Slough were put under little pressure at all, despite Fraser earning a caution for a foul on the hard-working Sandy. From the resulting free-kick, Eze, by now pushed into attack, headed across goal but Slough survived and freed Dyer, left-side but the scorer of two goals already attempted a 30 yard chip and the ball soared too high. He was cautioned, as was Eze, who lifted a foot too high, then Dan Sintim replaced the tall Short for Slough and the game ended in dismay and Cheerios for the Poppies, but in surprising elation and Puffed Wheat chests for the Rebels. And they didn’t even need Hollis’ long throws as the game ebbed away.

The home supporters had watched the second half unfold in disbelief, as had some of their players, for in midfield, the visitors had simply been dominant and in Harris they possessed a danger-man, in Dyer, a killer… Their central defenders performed well enough and without their suspended striker, their forwards played the game sensibly, like not adding sugar to your Alpen.

I enjoyed my day, met some really good people and will certainly return to Burton Latimer for a game or two next term, following three Weetabix in a bowl of course; well, it’s what you do…

Teams:

Kettering:  Ali Worby, James Clifton, Steve Kinniburgh (Capt); Andy Gooding, Henry Eze, Tommy Hull; Jon Thorpe, James Jepson, Elliot Sandy, Josh Moreman, Chris Logan.

Subs: Dubi Ogbonna, Ash Fuller, Louis Hamilton, Jon Bukasa, Andrew Osei-Siribour.

Slough:  Jake Somerville, Sean Fraser, Ryan Parsons; Guy Hollis, Dave Woozley (Capt), George Short; Johnnie Dyer, James McClurg, Adam Cornell, Warren Harris, James Dobson.

Subs: Dan Sintim, Ben Edwards, Jake Parsons, Steve Duff, Scott Harris.