SWANWICK PENTRICH ROAD 0-2 MICKLEOVER ROYALS: match report by The Mowdog...

Shrinking Feeling As Royals Dig For Victory

Swanwick Pentrich Road 0 Mickleover Royals 2

A strange evening was spent in Swanwick. The August days were shortening, the width of the Swanwick pitch was quite meagre, the length of it was shortened somewhat too, but the referee decided to start early, shortening the warm-up period, then shortened the ninety minutes to eighty, leaving me wondering whether The Mad Hatter would suddenly appear on the plateau in the centre of the undulating playing surface, which looked like the pitching mound at the Kansas City Royals’ baseball stadium. And yet I thought I had arrived at Gulliver’s Kingdom, where Swanwick’s Andy White and defenders Shane Whitmore and Lewis Mason strut their Heights of Abraham stuff, not Wonderland. Mickleover failed to score down a first-half slope, when the sun glared at home ‘keeper Adam Jablonski but netted at the beginning and at the end of the second period to defeat a largely abject Swanwick, whose not overly subtle tactic of arrowing high balls at White (which is odd, for the Greenwood Archers practise there) had been anticipated by Mickleover and countered with the deployment of three tall, quick central-defender types in Peter Aliguma, Jordan Simpson and the impressive Ash Lynch. Swanwick often looked like a 1940s car missing its starting handle.

The referee hopes to get the match finished before the Queen of Hearts loses her temper again...

Oli Buxton twice threatened at the far post from early Mickleover left-wing corners by the effective Shaun Roberts but was unable to connect properly with a foot from the first, then headed off target from the second. White did manage one headed flick-on for Swanwick but Matt Phillips’ shot was weak and visiting, largely redundant goalie Ash Warner fielded the effort easily. Royals’ skipper Danny Martin fired a free-kick into the massive Swanwick defensive wall, after the stubborn home skipper Whitmore had fouled Sam Bartram, who suffered one of those games he will probably place in the recesses of his memory, never to be remarked upon again. Following a left-side throw, Danny Martin pushed a short pass to Bartram but his low delivery across the 6 yard box from inside-left rolled untouched.

White under pressure from Simpson...

The referee realises that he is standing at the wrong end of the pantomime horse...

Ash Foster, who was prominent for Royals, combined well with Ryan Thompson and although the latter’s first centre was blocked, his second soared beyond the far side of the 18 yard box, again illustrating the lack of size of the Swanwick pitch. Nobody was passing short in the opening stages, hence deliveries were too often inaccurately struck, usually too long but the hosts were struggling to get any offense going at all. Aliguma headed on a long Chris Martin throw but Jablonski picked up the loose ball at the second attempt; online you can get ‘Click and Collect’, whereas the ‘keeper demonstrated ‘Fumble and Collect’ but that was no doubt due to the creases in the turf. Suddenly though, Aliguma was an indomitable explorer, roving to inside-right from the left side of defence and he smacked a fine 25 yarder, which slapped against the inside of the right upright, with Jablonski maybe getting an important touch. A left-wing corner by Roberts caused some mayhem in the Swanwick defence but Foster’s eventual low strike was hacked clear in front of his goal by Chris Turner. Turner was not finding it easy to dictate for the hosts in a congested midfield and I wondered whether he was a descendant of the famous Turners who were given the mineral rights to Swanwick in the 17^th century; they were coal magnates and lived at Swanwick Hall. If so, can I have your autograph please, Mr Turner?

'Keeper Jablonski entertains Bartram with his bouncing frog impression...

Man lands on pitch without parachute...

Then Royals went close to scoring twice within a few minutes, first a brilliant Foster drive from 21 yards lashed against the underside of the crossbar and with poor Jablonski scrambling about on the grass like a dog on roller skates, Thompson latched onto the loose ball just 2 yards from goal but he maybe hesitated, fatally, and allowed the ‘keeper a magical second to throw arms, legs and other appendages at the space in front of the Mickleover man and to his credit, made a save. Thompson stared in disbelief, like he’d just seen some people playing croquet with flamingos for mallets and hedgehogs for balls. When White surrendered possession, Royals attacked again and the very dangerous Chris Martin scuttled through the middle, after Roberts had played a smart one-two with Foster and lobbed a clever pass for the speedy forward to chase; Martin cleverly lobbed Jablonski from 23 yards but the ball bounced too high off the plateau and dropped over the home crossbar to the shooter’s chagrin.

Foster sizes up a free-kick for Royals...

Better passing by the guests ended with a Foster drive flying too high from 25 yards, then the same man struck a 28 yard free-kick straight at Jablonski, who dispensed with ‘Fumble and Collect’ this time and swept up the ball neatly. Half-time was signalled, I wasn’t ready, only 40 minutes had been played and I wondered how this would be considered right, if one team had been deserving of victory but had been denied a full ten minutes to make their ascendancy count… League titles can be lost on such decisions.

Stand up...

...sit down...

After the shortened, shrunken interval, Royals began the second period strongly and still Swanwick failed to get either White, who was lumbering about like a frustrated giant in Lilliput or strike partner Guy Wilding, who was limited to running short sprints without the ball, into the game. It was left to Aliguma to head Danny Martin’s free-kick towards the right upright, from whence the alert Roberts hooked the ball backacross the goalmouth; Aliguma failed to reach it but Bartram sliced a really awful shot past the left stick and his facial expression matched his shot: agonising. He was not a happy guest at this Mad Hatter’s Tea Party… Then, as if Wonderland had cast a spell, Swanwick mounted an attack, kind of. Wilding and willing wide-man Dean Owen combined on the right, but the latter’s disappointing shot was weak from 25 yards and so we all turned our gazes to the other end again and, amazingly, a goal arrived for Royals.

A bit of a balls-up for Swanwick...

Warner reckons it's about time Royals scored...

Danny Martin’s free-kick from deep and inside-right, bounced strangely between home players White and Jamie Slater, deflecting off the left-back and wrong-footing the whole defence, for Buxton (I think) to rifle a low centre for Roberts to beat Phil Gregory to, and side-foot neatly into the net from about 7 yards. Relief in Wonderland. Frustration in Gulliver’s Kingdom.

...and the wish comes true: 0-1, courtesy of Roberts, in there somewhere...

The very tall Mason was now playing further forward as Swanwick looked to nullify Royals’ almost total domination of midfield but after one particularly excellent passage of passing, he was warned by the official for his rather unwise, ungainly and unnecessary challenges. Troy Black replaced Bartram for the guests, Ash Buxton replaced Wilding for the hosts, then Mason was deservedly cautioned, as his timing for midfield tackling deserted him once again. Royals seemed to become a little subdued on offense and the team committed three fouls, all of which could have been fatal, with the likes of White, Mason and Whitmore challenging aerially but the first of these only saw Mason jump with Aliguma and knock him into Warner, who was flattened as he punched the ball clear, a situation more akin to three soldiers dressed as playing cards falling into one another than a piece of soccer action.

Gulliver travels, but not far...

 

Mason wins yellow...

Gulliver attempts to free himself of the ropes called Aliguma, Simpson and Lynch.
But unsuccessfully.

James Buck replaced Thompson for Royals and Dave Robinson replaced the disappointed White for Swanwick, meaning that two 12s and two 15s had appeared. Odd that. A wild strike by Ash Buxton rolled well wide of the Mickleover goal, Foster struck an instinctive left-booter past the right upright for Royals from 18 yards and Josh Gregory replaced the creative and workmanlike Roberts for Mickleover but no number 14 appeared for Swanwick, wrecking the neat system of similar replacement numbers, dammit… Two Buxtons and two Gregorys, as well as Mickleover’s two Martins, were now evident and one Buxton, Royals’ Oli, took a throw on the right, the ball came back to him and he launched a huge, high centre towards the far post where Buck was so alone, he must have broken wind to create that much space and he nodded the ball upwards into the top left corner of the net, as Jablonski threw up a conciliatory but vain hand… 0-2 and finally, Mickleover had the reward they deserved in all truth.

0-2 and Mickleover have Bucked the trend for Swanwick to score with headers...

There was still time for Black to release Buck at inside-right but a fine thrust of a right boot by the advancing Jablonski saved the day, then after a random back-header by Mason was caught under his left angle of bar and post by Warner, an attack on the Royals’ right involving Buck and Gregory ended with Foster latching onto the ball, 10 yards out but his measured, curling, left-footed effort was reached for and beaten away one-handed by the plucky Jablonski, almost certainly the best Swanwick player on view. The hosts ran right from this save and looked lively but like all their attacking, the break fizzled out, whereupon the official looked at his watch and decided he was late for a very important date and disappeared.

Fair play to Royals, they had better players overall and outplayed their kind hosts; the eager Foster and the confident Roberts were in control in midfield and Chris Martin was a livewire on the left but the defensive three were really effective throughout and the goals were scored at the right times. Swanwick were forced into an attempt to survive. They couldn’t do it but I felt sorry for Jablonski and Whitmore, who stemmed much of the red tide against them.

Swanwick Hayes was used to house World War Two Italian and German prisoners, but one Luftwaffe officer, Franz von Werra, escaped then was recaptured at RAF Hucknall, attempting to nick a ‘plane. The film made of this escapade would have summed up Mickleover’s feelings had they failed to achieve victory after such domination. Its title: ‘The One That Got Away’…

The end...

Peter Aliguma wants to remove his shirt;
we were all glad he didn't...

Teams:

Swanwick:  Adam Jablonski, Josh Smith, Jamie Slater; Phil Gregory, Shane Whitmore (Capt), Lewis Mason; Dean Owen, Guy Wilding, Andy White, Chris Turner, Matt Phillips.

Subs: Ash Buxton, Dave Robinson, Rich Wall.

Mickleover:  Ash Warner, Oli Buxton, Ash Lynch; Jordan Simpson, Peter Aliguma, Danny Martin (Capt); Ryan Thompson, Shaun Roberts, Sam Bartram, Ash Foster, Chris Martin.

Subs: Troy Black, Josh Gregory, James Buck, Nashan Wilson, Ben Blackburn.